EROS TAKEN DOWN
By Michel Hajji-Georgiou
Saint-Joseph University
Political Science- 1st year- 98/99
(Unedited)
 

Despair

When all the writings
All the letters I have sent
Are left to be vain
By my heart of dissatisfaction
Still exposed to furious Northern Winds

That’s when the weakness
Slowly comes on to rule
On the land of fragility
I have hidden from all glances

I don’t pretend to be strong, oh no
Dignity is foolish and pride
Is the weapon of the blind
I don’t pretend to stand for
Those two anymore

So I just walk away
From all those people
Living in their own reality
A reality I never could share
While the phantoms of the past
Are still haunting my head…
 

Listen to the water
That crashes down the river
Time has stopped a second ago
And I’m now part of the past
With nobody to hold on to…

                                                                  Beirut, 27/09/97


Silent Echoes

I wake up lonely
In my bed of sorrow
With a helpless feeling
Of constant imperfection
Failure and desolation

The bitter taste of the night
Of the sweet dreams
I try to banish from my sleep
And push into the sad reality
Then I open my eyes
A deadly longing for unbeing
Stuck in the bottom of my throat

Even the tears are meant
To be dried by the heat
- Of embraces? - of lassitude
Even memories are heading
Right into the pit of oblivion

Do not neglect the power
Of the furtive images
As you let yourself go
With the fever of loneliness

Pain is easy to date
And truth is the weapon
That tears the heart
Of the man waiting
For some specific thing
His lips won’t pronounce
Behind the opaque window…
                                                                      Beirut, 28/09/97


Splendid Evening

I wonder if you ever
Asked yourself about these
Crazy lonely times
You seem to suffer daily
Will you still have
To deal with fears
And deceptions

I guess you often felt
The power of failure
Craving inside of you
In the coldness of the
Winter rains

How did you react
As it grabbed your throat
And took away your hopeless breath?

Then it came down and
Marked your heart
So deep you thought
The moment of the separation
Had finally come

You fool... you were so close…
Next came nothing but the abandon of you
To the sorrow of all your worthless emotions…

                                                                Beirut, 7/10/97


On the mountain

I went back there
And praised the gods of the mountain

Alone across the silence
I travelled with my looks
Until all was a private part
Of my body and soul

I was so grateful
When I felt the existence
Of the Lord of remembrances
Floating deep inside
The timeless rocks

I prayed to the memory
Of all the forbidden women
I came across and to all the one
Who are still to come
And not to come
To teach my heart to break…

The silence told me enough
About urge and sanctity
And led me down back to the ground

Then it tied me back to my chains…
                                                                   Beirut, 13/10/97


If I am to find…

Tell me how are we
To break the distant silence
Unwanted guest between
Us trying to liberate ourselves
From the fears of existence

I’d like to tell you
About oceans flowing
Streams running by
And unlimited woods
All these secret places
I can’t reveal
Hidden deep inside
Awaiting for your call
To travel into you

I wish from my heart
You are never to let me down
I have put all my trust
All I am in your hands
To get over the walls
We put inside of us

You have put me forward
On broken wings
And I’m afraid to fall…
                                                                   Beirut, 22/10/97


Surrendering

  “If it be your will that I speak no more
   And my voice be still as it was before
   I will speak no more I shall abide until
   I am spoken for if it be your will”

                                                 Leonard Cohen
 

Slowly I remember…
Though it is so far away
And so close I can feel…

I dreamt it would be you
And then you were

I dreamt there would be
Someone like you
In my sleep
I dreamt it would be you
In my thoughts I hoped
To reach someday, someone
Who would be like you

You are all the woman
That I ever wanted
All the faces
I ever wished to face

You were the mirror
In my dim unconscious
You were meant
To break the ice
Crystal in my heavy heart…

All the long - eternally
I dreamt it would be you

And it was you all right
But am I still myself anymore…

Then I dreamt that you would be…
                                                                   Beirut, 27/10/97


 Chimera … again

She is the unseen realm
Of the deaf-mute prophet of illusion
And the icy labyrinth
Inside my frozen love

She has taken me down
More often than I can recall
She has listened and wept
And cried her sorrow
In the mystic silence of
The hopeless prayers

She has encountered many
That charmed her heart
And married her soul
With purple words and
Other fallen promises

Now her dreams are kept
In the bottom of her being
Away from all the breaking
And the daily failures

She is the deer
Hunted by the merciless hound
And the lusty hunters…

I have spoken to her beauty
And been touched by the
Lost moments she was herself
Without restrictions, with adoration

But I must leave
And bury my sorrows… Again

She is the hopeless dream of a fallen nation…

Just another chimera
A chimera in my drowning life…
                                                                     Beirut, 4/11/97


 Circle to be closed

At first she was a wolf
Her eyes taught me
That naught could be part
Of a human goddess
She was madness and beauty
When she took my heart
And broke it into parcels
She tried to take her life
And put an end to mine
Now she roams wild
A fantasy without control
In the crazy labyrinths
Of my self destructive passion

Then she ran away
A million souls from me
And words were helpless
To get her close
Between my solitude
And her fears to be caught
Again in the vicious circle of desire
She is awake in my saddest dreams
Untouchable, unreachable and distant
She carries all my aspirations
She is my fallen promise
Of a never seen tomorrow

Now I wander, wounded
And my life is misery
I’ve come across her
And then we have spoken
She shared with me
And we recalled the lost moments
And the lousy souvenirs

But she left me alone
And deceived the promise
She longs for some dancers
In her sensitive heart
And I, alone and misguided
Blinded by an eternal adoration
I have gone again
Looking for her – my illusion
My life
Through the cold oriental nights
And the mystic sarcasm…
                                                                  Beirut, 7/11/97


The Raincoat letter

It’s four in the morning
The end of December
I’m writing now
Because I don’t seem to get any better
I can’t get you out of my mind…

Beirut is cold, and I do hate
The city I live in
You turned your back and never asked
About nothing no more
I can still hear your laughter in my back

Then, in the blinding light,
I had the revelation of hatred
It embraced love so … “lovingly”
I knew it would never stop
Aborted tries thrown in the mud…

The Law took you from me
And I was put away.
There’s a stranger between us
Another product of your selective sweetness
That keeps on breaking me.

“It seems so long ago…” on the radio
Cohen reporting Nancy’s loneliness
Warm voice like an ice pick into my heart
Your eyes like some sort of worthy souvenir
To recall me your fashioned beauty.

I loved you my own way
If I can call it “love”
I can see you passing
As if we hadn’t pretended
Feels like it’s all behind…

                        Beirut, 28 (between 4:00 and 4:30 a.m.)/12/97


New Year’s Eve

I saw dawn slowly emerge
Behind your shining eyes
And my soul wept silently
When it was captured by your smile…

I saw them all get drunk
And helplessly torn down
So I lied with them
And awaited for my hour…

…But it never came
As you haunted my mind
So I ran down the mountain
To get you out of my body

Then came silence
And I shivered to your thought
I knew I had been taken down
Too early…
                                           Beirut, 3/1/1998


 Sincerely…

Just get away, leave
Answer to the anguish,
Picture the wilderness
Of your seeking eyes

Surrender to your smile
Abdicate to the softness
That your endless hair
Inlays in my fairy tales

Lie beside you
Murdered by your voice
And offered to your sweet agony
Forbidden to the lazy warriors

Then sigh to the firmament
To such a precious greatness
For nothing lasts forever
Under the bright light of the moon
And the greed of time…
                                                              Beirut, 4/1/98


 Execution

You just can’t come
And speak to me about
Some fairness you need to establish
Before it’s too late

Now you want me
To stand up and cry
For what we were never
To dream about

All nothing but killers
Shivering in the dawn
Replacing other killers
Beautiful words for the deaf

I can’t believe you anymore
After what you once said
You wanted to hear it
So now you’ve got it :

You’ve been a fool to think
I don’t care about you
But it’s getting late now
As you go on murdering
What you wanted to own

I just hate you
Because it’s just so hard
To keep on loving naught
To keep on wasting dreams

I can’t stand all the ones who love you
More than I just try to
But it’s all a bunch of words
While you’ve got the gold in the mines
And I’ve lost myself
Inside some poem I had written…

                                                                 Beirut, 8/1/98


Longing

I’m tired of useless inventions
I mean spiritual creations
Product of our desperate imagination
As we slowly sink into the illusion
Until the final collapse finds us
In our vain quest for a softer reality

I’ve seen these walls
They carry all my fears
But I won’t submit
To their merciless elderliness
As our needful flesh
Learns us about guilt
And other forms of modern torture

If all is meant to be some
Bitter dream that sadly goes on
I want to be the faithful witness
Of mutilations and decapitations
Abortion’s oddity in Mother Earth’s
Stomach as it whispers willingly
For an ultimate agony

I need to testify
Against this terrifying realm of Love
Until it’s demolition is granted
And my body sanctified
By the hunger of your thighs…
                                                                   Beirut, 9/1/98


Poem

I told you once
But you never paid attention to
Whatever I wanted to say

All my work is in vain
I can feel it burn me
Like a wound that never heals

You cannot understand my sayings
And I know it has nothing to do
With your lack of affection

Didn’t I tell you I had to be
Left alone – and stand on my own
And fight the longing of your mouth…

                                                        Beirut, 22/1/1998.


In a café…

You are still waiting for
Someone to come
Someone to witness
Man’s blindness through
The coming ages
And his disobedience
To the golden rule
Someone to be
Your silent witness
As you weep and cry
On your pillow of nails
And who may understand
Your cheap lifeless poetry
Before you book your ticket
To the show called insanity

I am here by your side
And I’ll teach you all you need
Despair and suffering
Hatred and jealousy
Until you finally realise
It won’t be going the way you want
Until you get down on your knees
And kiss my feet
And make love to me
With your tortured eyes
                                                       Beirut, 23/1/98


Page Created on April 20th,1999
Last updated on April 20th,1999
   Copyright (C) 1998/1999 by Nada AbiSamra.
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