Still Hanging Around
By Michel Hajji-Georgiou
Saint-Joseph University
Political Science- 1st year- 98/99
(Unedited)
 

Overture Note

Donít try to find your way out to me
I know it is helpless
Since none manages to understand
That the edge is close below
And Iím going to jump

Anyway, who cares?
Donít matter if the world blows up
Iím not gonna cry or weep
Gonna keep it all inside
Until it eats me slowly
Until I find a razor blade
That will be faithful to me
And blood upon my body
And ice upon my soul

You promised there would be a way
Why did you lie to me, why was I so naïve
Now everything is so blocked
And I wonder how much I can stand
The lies we are taught to believe in

Donít try to find your way out to me
It leads to despair and loneliness
I am your highway to DeathÖ

                                                                                    Beirut, 30/04/98



 Kingdom for a kiss

To Jeff Buckley

The voice of a dead man
Is whispering in me
His singing cries to the endless night
Heís asking for revenge
For all the pain heís known

He was found dead
Or was murdered doesnít recall
Now heís just here, presence
And he rises in me
So alive but so sad
And he needs my hands
The weakness of my soul
To release his anger

I know it is over
Thereís nothing more to weep
Nothing left to deny
Except my kingdom for a kiss

                                                              Beirut, 04/06/98.



Reverence

My friend, thereís to you
Among the failures and the tests
There is this smile you canít deny
There is this faith you like to hide
Just to show them your lack of pride

Brother, thy seekness is useless
And the answer is vain
Itís in the sweetness of your look
As the notes of madness
Swing out of your heavy arms

My old friend Ė I know
You are not looking for sainthood
Just to breathe without any pain
But the water in the wells
Is poisoned with these fashionable perfumes
Sweet bitterness on flesh and blood

And my mouth is dry
And your heart is dry
But still there can be hope
In the chords of the blind menÖ

                                                                        Beirut, 14/07/98



Mistake

Iím not a poet
I just have eyes to see
And tears to split
Iím not a singer
I just have words to speak
And to whisper
Iím not in love with you
Itís just my fragile heart
That is experiencing sickness
The sickness of your perfect body
 

                                                                            Beirut, 14/07/98



 E Minor

They say some faces are
To remain estranged
To the ones who love
Until the breaking is bigger
And torns your heart and soul

Thereís this strange oddity
I picture at your souvenir
It makes me want to sleep
Forever until I am one again

I thought that I was brave
I never took the chance
To meet him face to face
And to tell you my love

They say we are dancing
Dancing on a ship of fools
I couldnít avoid the wreckage
Of my jaded feelings

Iím dying inside
I never shouldíve met him
Again, after all these years
He took me down once
And took the one I love

But you lost that night
As you stayed late with him
As I made that effort
To forget that I just canít forget

                                                                            Beirut, 6/8/98



Ascendancy

I have nothing to offer you
Other than trust
She-so long ago
Took what was left inside
And turned it to steel

And I donít think itís possible for you
To replace the holy icon
I have made of her
Wild eyes

                                                                                      Beirut, 11/8/98



  Vision

3:00 A.M                                                 And even though I know
Kids crying at the airport                          Our mysticism is strong
Going God knows where                          Itís you I long for
To discover the taste of living                   Among the subway crowds

Iím so tired
Another 48 hours of
This so-called life
I wasnít able to sleep
Or to forgetÖ

If it was you that
Softly overwhelmed me
By your early kindness
Until the sun showed up

I couldnít recall if
It was really you
Or a vision Iíd made up
Another short moment of heaven

You were vulnerable
In your lovely dress
So quiet and peaceful
You got beyond my soul

The need I have to fly
To avoid all the women
You are not
Is nothing but an urge                                                Paris, 22/08/98



      Ego

It is getting hard
To know me, isnít it
Iím falling apart
And then Iím one again

It just occurred-suddenly
As we are still lost
In our daily little manners
But we like it like that

What you made was so sad
Itís still there in my bones
I can get over it
But Iím tired of it

Giving is hard
And I can understand
That you long for the stars
And for your inner self
For bodies and faces
For lips and embraces
For wilderness andÖ
Thatís all.

                                                       Paris, Place de la Nation, 22/09/98



Weather Report

The city is gray
And the rain keeps falling
Over the Opera
And Luxembourg Square

I get down to the subway
It is warm as hell
And I can feel Paris weeping
Above the distorted walls

A pain I canít hear
And expiation for the crimes
Of all the living-souls
Roaming in the labyrinth

But I didnít care
I minded my own business
Until I had this revelation
That told me about you
And the sunshine in your hair
That keeps me away
Of the current sadness
That swallows the capital

                                                                                     Paris, 23/08/98



Obsequies

Last night I shivered
The wind was whispering
The first part of your name
As I lied there
Knocked down by a sensation
A dream dwelling on the
Sidewalk Ė fallen from the heights

I cried that night
When I heard
The loss of spirituality
Had been revealed to my soul
And kept secret to passers-by

I couldnít join the ceremony
To praise the flesh and the failures
So I made my funerals
And paid my respects
To the victims
Of this cruel imposture

                                                                               Paris, 28/08/98



Phone Call

I waited the whole day
I mean, the whole year
In order to see your face
In order to gather myself
Again Ė and the strange feelings
You inlay in my heart

You wonder why Iím sad
But you are not better
Your voice reveals
The spleen that is hanging
Hidden in the corner of your eyes

Iím just honest to myself
And your bodyís graceful
And your eyes a blue-green ocean
In which Iím dying to drown

                                                                                 Paris, 28/08/98



To my sister of mercy

The last news I had
Of your twisted soul
Werenít that good
Are you still spinning round?

I canít but think of you
As Leonard saids Goodbye
To his beloved Marianne
Iíd have seen you before I left

But maybe none of us
Can really stand
Can really crawl into
Your magical mystical realm

But thereís this light
So dim and so strong
Itís burning in your eyes
And eating your holy body

And your sadness is so fatal
To the eyes of those who guess
That all chances of healing
Are beautifully kept away

                                                                          Paris, 29/08/98



Chassé-croisé

I finally understand
That when there is really love
You learn to lose as well
And to wait between the trains

Thereís this voice
That keeps on revealing itself
Each time I meet you
In these solemn places

It says you are
The one and only
That my heart really longs for

And I canít forget
The softness of your hair
And the depth of your broken eyes
And your laughter that follows you
When you slowly disappear - forever again

                                                                              Paris, 30/08/98



 Beautiful Loser

And so I fail, once again
To keep you by my side
By the sight of my eyes

Even though I came to Paris
And joined some of the world
You hate to be intoÖ

Is it meant to be that way
We, only crossing each other
Among time and years

And you running from me
Total stranger, living too far
To be somebody else

Though I came to see you
You left me really quickly
Without saying a word

And so I stay Ė regardless
With this silence of contempt
And await for the next train
Thatís heading back to you
                                                                              Paris, 31/08/98



Shadows

I shouldíve met you
Long ago Ė I came too late
Or too early Ė I donít know
But not at the right time

You were already hanging
To this man whom pain
You found so deep and attractive
You forgot all those who came before
And still were there to come

                                                                             Paris, 01/09/98



Needful

Paris, city without a soul
Land of melancholy
You had to take mine
Through the eyes of this woman

Iím a cemetery of sadness
Since your departure
You couldíve stayed some more
But Iím not much for you

And your eyes are so far
Looking for adventures
Iím not part of

                                                                                     Paris, 02/09/98



Condemnation
 

Iím sorry to say
I just donít have the strength
To go down again

I guess I have given enough
And it was all useless
So Iím going away

Maybe Iíll come back
If I canít breath anymore
If the image of you
Refuses to dissolve itself
And continues its furious tyranny
Over my broken body
                                                                                   Beirut, 25/09/98.



Delirium

Brother sun, sister moon                           Then to enter and hurt you
And all these silent afternoons                  All just like beforeÖ
The way I want it to be
The way it will never be
The way it was meant not to be
Because we all are
Just a matter of being
Nothing else
A desperate call to the unknown
My sweet friend
Iím here, well alive
Though this turns against me
Sometimes, often

Thereís this idea of you
I cherish, often
When Iím alone and helpless
In the sweet summertime
Into these crazy endless nights
Iím looking for my savior
Unfortunately someone else needs him too
So he is not there

So thereís this waiting
So strange and cold
It takes me into this realm
Where you are the queen
Where Iím not welcome
And Iíd rather stay outside
                                                                                  Beirut, 19/10/98



Summer Night
 

I just miss these times
When I sat at your side, still
And stared at your lips
As they would perfectly draw
These words through darkness
And firmly take control of the universe

                                                                                   Beirut, 21/10/98



Abandon
 

There are women to invent
And women to praise
Women to stare at
And women to obey

I have seen them
Dozens and ones
Sculptures of flesh
Or flowing spirits
Stolen beauties
And numberless preys

And there is you
Who stands between these lines
You I cannot define
Unless I go against my senses
And embrace these fallen beliefs
Until I foul these lilac icons
To put you on a pedestal

                                                                              Beirut, 22/10/98
 



Studentís prayer

Itís vain and arrogant
And they like to pretend
That the world is impotent
But I wonít repent

I will stand up again
With my fist to the sky
To win back the moon
And recover your smile.
                                                                     Beirut, U.S.J, 5/11/98.



Encounter

It goes wild and sudden
In your kingdom of love
Where had you been hanging
When you were out of sight
It has been two years
Since our last goodbye
Some time to recover
From the taste of your thighs
A whole life spent to polish
My rusted golden wood
Haunted so softly
By the warmth of your blood

I loved you for a long time
I must admit I did
And maybe itís inside
Something I canít define
Something so old and sour
Like a good lilac wine

And each time you are near
I will bend on my knees
I will praise and make feel
The fire that burns within

                                                                    Beirut, U.S.J., 12/11/98
 



 

Eastern Adoration

As she sits beside me
My blood feels the change
And my soul hangs on
To her perfect body
And drowns in its scent
Then it yearns for liberation
Coming from the skies above

Set me free from your perfume
Now Iím lost and drunken
Enlightened by your presence
Sorrowed when youíre not
But each time I breathe you
Weeps a fallen empire
Inside my wounded heart

                                                                            Beirut, 16/11/98.



Chorus
 

I lost you there
At La Bastille
Late at night
Not a sound wept
Not a soul left
Just you and me
On the front of the scene

You closed the door
Of that building
Without a smile
Or a goodbye
And I stood there
And I watched you
Get out of my life

I had walked with you
So long that day
Had shared with you
In those cafés
Where people sat quiet
To stare at your
Precious beauty

You longed and yearned
For a hot chocolate
And danced the city
Until the night came late
So we sat on that bench
The way young lovers do
And listened softly
To the voice of our lives
Lost in remembrances
Long gone in guilt
We spoke of sorrow
Before fading away
 

                                                                         Beirut, 08/12/98



Schizologue

ďIím so afraidĒ
I said to myself
ďAfraid of what?Ē
He asked me
ďI wonít be up toĒ
I weakly replied
ďUp to what?Ē
He insisted angrily
ďUp to loving herĒ
I surrendered

ďAh, donít worryĒ he assured me
ďIím here to helpĒ.

                                                                        Beirut, 24/12/98



Counting rhyme

We all dream
We all lie
To ourselves
We all cry

We all fall
On our knees
For a ďsheĒ
We all buy
The beliefs
About life
We all die

We all sigh
When it comes
To an ending
We all cry
Though itís worthless
And so destructive
So cruel and deceptive
We all try
Again

                                                                        Beirut, 25/12/98
 


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Last updated on April 20th,1999
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